I was watching TV yesterday when this program came on, on BBC 2 called Sex and the family. Perfectly respectable channel so perhaps it’s something quite educational, she says to herself, being a secret documentary addict. It did turn out to be quite interesting compared to the standard fare of ‘sex’ oriented programming which usually focus on size of genetalia and the myths associated with it. So, sex and the family was about the changing attitudes to sex in the Britain of the 70’s and its implication on the family. There were interviews with so called ‘rebels’ of the time. Women who decided to shun the ideal i.e. cookie cutter stepford wives. I love how glamorous they looked all the time. The big bee hives, kohl eyes, mini skirts and tiny waists…maybe I should have been a man in the 70’s. Anyways, so there were some women who decided to pursue a career, look crap sometimes and shock shock, horror, horror…have sex before marriage! To the extent that birth control pills were not dispensed to unmarried women by GP’s instead they had to go to ‘family planning’ clinics. But when they got there, were told that the clinic was just that ‘family planning’ and would not be giving away pills to women with no family…WTF? Then there was the one story about a young woman who was asked to come on ‘engaged couple’s night’ to speak to the doctor and maybe then she might get a prescription. The result..lots and lots of teenage pregnancies and lots and lots of abortions. In towns like Swindon and Chichester where everyone knew each other, getting pregnant invariably meant getting married…whether you were 16 or 60…with loads of scandal thrown in of course! Don’t expect to be invited to any more church bake sales or christenings…Drive a couple of miles down the M1 and things were very different! Welcome to Carnaby street, Soho and Camden town! This is the big smoke baby! It’s all about the Beatles, bell bottoms; sex, drugs and rock n roll…..just don’t let your parents ever find out! Move a couple of miles to South hall, today, and it’s still the same…
While the program was an eye opener to most people, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of déjà vue…what’s changed I wonder. As far as I’m concerned this is India of the 90’s…and 2000 I think… Sex is something one does to procreate, we don’t talk about it and certainly don’t enjoy it…and if we did, we didn’t admit to it! How brazen would that be? We sure as hell never spoke to our parents about it, but we did keep the number for Mary Stopes handy and 5000 rupees…I mean who knew right? Conversations with girl friends usually touched upon topics like how to fake being a virgin on your wedding night…I remember a story where someone hid a razor blade in her bed so that she could make a quick cut on her thigh to draw some blood..the lengths some people go to! My excuse was that I did a lot of sport so oops…no hymen sorry! Another common joke, look at his penis and say ‘oh is that what it looks like, now what do we do with it?’ yeah right! It’s really funny now in hind sight thinking about it, but in those days thinking of the consequences was a scary thought. The ‘what if’s’ were many. Sexually transmitted diseases were a dark hole…who knew what that was? It was bad enough figuring out what sex involved…Plus buying a condom? No way! We’d rather kill ourselves then go to a drug store and ask for condoms….Or we send brave friends to do it for us…always easier to look self righteous when its not for you…at least at that moment…
Then came the inevitable, the day you ‘did it’…what a bloody anti-climax…all that build up for this? No one ever tells you the first time is rubbish. Certainly doesn’t justify the paranoia that begins soon after…do I look different? Can they smell it? Ami I going to be run down by a bus the next time I cross the road…forgive me God for I have sinned!! Oh period where art thou! Then halleluiah!! Oh those cramps …love em!...fast forward ten years…period, bloody hell, why God why??
It was an innocent time..a time when teenage pregnancies were far and few, it was bad enough having sex, getting pregnant …well that was like putting a gun in your mouth and pulling the trigger.. Sex and the family were very tightly linked…have sex and suffer the inevitable if you ever got ‘caught’! …simple as. ..Never in Gods earth did you imagine your parents knew exactly what you were up to…I think there’s a ‘don’t ask, don’t tell policy’ that’s universally valid .I found out the hard way…no birds and bees for me, cut to my wedding day when mum’s and daughters have the ‘talk’. Poker face on, mum let’s begin….mum turns to daughter and says ‘you probably know more than me’…end of conversation…daughter shell shocked … you can run but you can’t hide, they’re watching…
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