The beginners guide to self preservation

Eat, Pray, Love (come, reza, ama) and all that jazz..
Getting back in the saddle sounds like fun but really isn’t, both metaphorically and physically, unless you’re a yoga goddess or Hugh Hefners pick of the day. Unfortunately I’m neither…. And boy did I find out the hard way…
Being in a steady, safe and stifling institution called marriage for 6.75 years, does not prepare you for the horrors of the ‘singles habitat’. The world of singledom, that magic kingdom that seems so sparkley and lovely when your on the sofa sitting next to your better (or worse, fat or thin, ugly or pretty, hairy or balding, etc etc) half, both staring in opposite directions. All those single people out there, living the dream…in retrospect one needs to ask..What dream exactly? And who’s dream for that matter? At the time it seemed like mine…and still does when the goings good. Elizabeth Gilbert had her nervous break down and then met the man of her dreams, so there’s hope for all of us I guess. But in the interim she lost tons of weight in her yoga / meditation / find your self jaunt in India. Met some Italian stallions and learnt the language of love in Italy then went bloody waltzing off to bum fuck in Indonesia and met the man of her dreams …WTF?? Whereas Arshia, on the other hand, in her life changing tome ’Who fucked off with my bloody cheese’ , left the sweetest most loving man in the world, still hasn’t ‘got’ the dating game, met a couple of psychos…one of which managed to mess up her head nice and proper and is now licking her wounds in the bosom of the Indian family.Nice one! Me, bitter? Hell no! Wait for the sequel folks!

Embracing the learning curve …Rolling with the punches
Like with all things, the learning curve’s been pretty steep and will probably continue to be for quite a while…I think its for the good. Imagine how boring it would be if there was nothing left to learn?
Change is good…you can either roll with punches or curl up in a corner and shrivel up like a prune. The beauty of it all is that you can choose to do either, it doesn't affect anyone nor is it anyone’s else’s business. The best thing that’s come out of this experience is that I’ve learnt that women are truly your best friends…all this ‘stuff’ about bitchiness, competition etc..it goes down the toilet after a certain age. The 30’s are the democratizer…we’re all the same, warts and all…after hitting the magic 3 ‘O’. My life changed the transformation was over night and magical. I like to believe its for the better…I don’t cringe at the sight of children anymore…but no I’m not ready for one just as yet. Lets give my figure a chance, especially since I’ve lost tons of weight because of the anxiety and stress attacks… Then there’s the whole ‘man’ thing of course…but there’s always the trusted turkey baster in the draw next to the best friend..so all’s good. Then there’s the self-confidence. Where the hell had that been hiding all these years? I stopped giving a shit about the trivial things, did you? And miraculously girl friend, you start looking fabulous! The Goddess within you awakens after a 30 year slumber…no prince required or included in the pack.... let the games begin! …and yes, you start snoring…thought I’d drop that in.



My guide to fabulosity…yes there is such a word!
I never thought I’d feel this, but I’m pretty amazing! In fact we’re all pretty amazing…we fall down, get up, dust ourselves off and get on with it. There are some of us out there with children and who still find the strength to get out of a comfort zone and for better or worse, it’s not easy. Saying good bye to extended relationships with families, in-laws and ‘his friends’ is hard. Facing the fact that there might be an empty chasm for quite a while and the men you’ll meet are on the look out for sex or ‘the one’ even though they probably don’t know what that means. Been there, done that and bought the t-shirt mate…it doesn't exist. You find ‘the one’ when you’re ready to make compromises…then ‘the one’ in your line of sight becomes it.
Competition out there is fierce when you’re competing with 20 year old stick insects who don’t know the meaning of the word ‘age defense’. It’s the wild west out there, but what we have ladies is maturity, experience, compassion and empathy on our sides plus a fantastic career and bank balance that’s all ours to do what we wish with. Want to splurge on crème de la mer, go right ahead! I make a bee line for the Chanel counter these days (even in Boots)…and it feels good! Plus as they say, this is our vintage year, we’re never going to look as good or feel as great...or even earn enough to truly live it up as we do now. Welcome to the shower gel stakes– you know you’ve arrived when – Back in your 20’s, a sign of success was buying shower gel (the ultimate indulgence) from the Body Shop, 30’s – Molton Brown, 40’s – Jo Malone, 50’s and over …well, I’ll deal with that when I get there, thank God its still a while away! The bottom line…you’ve come a long way baby give yourself a pat on the back and put your best foot forward!