The LBS (little black stiletto)

While I have every respect for the cult of Choo, the church of Blahnik and Louboutinism. I’ve never been one to go weak kneed at the sight of a tall, dark, spikey stiletto, I must admit the cracks beneath my practical exterior are beginning to show when I dedicate an hour to writing this blog. I guess denial is sustainable for only this long, one needs to come out of the (shoe) closet at some point.
Just as Coco Chanel revolutionized the world with the LBD, the LBS too has its place in history. I’m not going to wax eloquent about how and why because its still early days for me. What I am going to say is that just like a perfectly fitted suit, a perfectly shaped stiletto can make a women feel like a million dollars. Those extra inches make such a difference for those of us who don’t have legs up to our armpits. Though woe betide you if your day involves walking through cobbled streets and other such urban obstacle courses.
But all is forgiven when you see you’re brilliantly enhanced calf muscles, book-balancing posture and last but not least, the stylized walk which can do wonders for the collective confidence of the Amazon and the vertically challenged alike.
Of course nothing perfect comes cheap but unlike those must have ‘timeless classics’ that grace every sensible women's closet, a good pair of stilettos are an investment for life. No matter how many dress sizes your body decides to rise or fall, your feet remain constant.
The stiletto has been elevated to a universal symbol of sexuality. Imagine Cinderella, when she finally made it to the ball, parading around in trainers, I doubt the evening would have been such a roaring success. It was the glass slipper that done it!
So with that said, I’m off to get my own ‘glass slippers’ a fab pair of Louboutins. Selfridge’s here I come!

The Labrador school of thought

How to spot a Labrador
Watch out for the sparkly eyes, neurotic explosions of excitement... high pitched hellos and wagging tails, lots of kisses…and the obsessive need to do things for people even if they don’t want you to…incredibly large capacities to care…a bleeding heart…integrity, generosity ... a self destructive streak ...drawn to needy and selfish people of the opposite sex ...cant spot the use and abuse types from a mile …and finally, a shiny coat and teeth …. Gotta love those Labradors. Though there some dire down sides…like the kamakazie / Joan of arc streaks, gold fish memories, way too much optimism and the occassional 'thick' moments...we just don’t ‘get it’ when we’re being treated badly…kick us and we’ll forget in a day or two, so you can do it again…it wont seem so bad by then,…The up sides of this…we tend to stay pretty trim because we shed the weight when we’re upset and that happens most of the time and we look like Dalmatians every now and again because of the bad skin that’s usually a result of a kicking…

The 5 step process to growing a brain…

Step 1 - Realize that your pretty darn great no matter what people say, stop believing them for a start, very few people know you from Adam and the one’s who do would know how fabulous you are! Appreciate yourself a bit more…give yourself a pat on the back for all the times you’ve made someone happy…you’ll be amazed at how much you’re appreciated…get that nose out of the pavement and look around you!!

Step 2 – R-E-S-P-E-C-T
The lady knew what she was talking about! Respect Girl friend! You deserve it and you need to make sure you have tons of it! What exactly do you get from the relationship you’re in? Does he give you what you want to make you happy? Does he realize how lucky he is to have you? Because if he does then he’ll treat you the way you deserve to be. I know playing hard to get makes no sense what so ever and seems like a pointless waste of time, but the unfortunate truth is that treating them mean keeps them keen…circular logic ..But it works! Don’t go crawling back when you get the kick in the butt, you don’t deserve, if you do deserve it, then take it like a (she) man!

Step 3- Love yourself…because if you don’t start loving yourself, there’s no way in hell you’ll be able to love or help anyone else…that’s a fate worse than death, I know! Spa heaven is the first step!!

Step 4 - Focus on you…you’ll be amazed at how much talent you have and at stuff you’d never imagine…try new things, it’ll kill the silly thoughts, fill the pauses and the downers that sometimes creep up unnoticed..You just won’t have the time for self pity or obsessive compulsive behavior, rebounds, moping, hermit tendencies, sleeping sicknesses, anorexia, chocolate / shopping / Ben and Jerry’s therapy and other total wastes of time

Step 5 - Stay away from trouble, learn to say ‘no…its ok …no one’s gonna die …really. Run a mile when you see…Italians (lol!), anorexic twiglets, lecherous married men, manic depressants, negativity, full fat and …..dog catchers

The beginners guide to self preservation

Eat, Pray, Love (come, reza, ama) and all that jazz..
Getting back in the saddle sounds like fun but really isn’t, both metaphorically and physically, unless you’re a yoga goddess or Hugh Hefners pick of the day. Unfortunately I’m neither…. And boy did I find out the hard way…
Being in a steady, safe and stifling institution called marriage for 6.75 years, does not prepare you for the horrors of the ‘singles habitat’. The world of singledom, that magic kingdom that seems so sparkley and lovely when your on the sofa sitting next to your better (or worse, fat or thin, ugly or pretty, hairy or balding, etc etc) half, both staring in opposite directions. All those single people out there, living the dream…in retrospect one needs to ask..What dream exactly? And who’s dream for that matter? At the time it seemed like mine…and still does when the goings good. Elizabeth Gilbert had her nervous break down and then met the man of her dreams, so there’s hope for all of us I guess. But in the interim she lost tons of weight in her yoga / meditation / find your self jaunt in India. Met some Italian stallions and learnt the language of love in Italy then went bloody waltzing off to bum fuck in Indonesia and met the man of her dreams …WTF?? Whereas Arshia, on the other hand, in her life changing tome ’Who fucked off with my bloody cheese’ , left the sweetest most loving man in the world, still hasn’t ‘got’ the dating game, met a couple of psychos…one of which managed to mess up her head nice and proper and is now licking her wounds in the bosom of the Indian family.Nice one! Me, bitter? Hell no! Wait for the sequel folks!

Embracing the learning curve …Rolling with the punches
Like with all things, the learning curve’s been pretty steep and will probably continue to be for quite a while…I think its for the good. Imagine how boring it would be if there was nothing left to learn?
Change is good…you can either roll with punches or curl up in a corner and shrivel up like a prune. The beauty of it all is that you can choose to do either, it doesn't affect anyone nor is it anyone’s else’s business. The best thing that’s come out of this experience is that I’ve learnt that women are truly your best friends…all this ‘stuff’ about bitchiness, competition etc..it goes down the toilet after a certain age. The 30’s are the democratizer…we’re all the same, warts and all…after hitting the magic 3 ‘O’. My life changed the transformation was over night and magical. I like to believe its for the better…I don’t cringe at the sight of children anymore…but no I’m not ready for one just as yet. Lets give my figure a chance, especially since I’ve lost tons of weight because of the anxiety and stress attacks… Then there’s the whole ‘man’ thing of course…but there’s always the trusted turkey baster in the draw next to the best friend..so all’s good. Then there’s the self-confidence. Where the hell had that been hiding all these years? I stopped giving a shit about the trivial things, did you? And miraculously girl friend, you start looking fabulous! The Goddess within you awakens after a 30 year slumber…no prince required or included in the pack.... let the games begin! …and yes, you start snoring…thought I’d drop that in.



My guide to fabulosity…yes there is such a word!
I never thought I’d feel this, but I’m pretty amazing! In fact we’re all pretty amazing…we fall down, get up, dust ourselves off and get on with it. There are some of us out there with children and who still find the strength to get out of a comfort zone and for better or worse, it’s not easy. Saying good bye to extended relationships with families, in-laws and ‘his friends’ is hard. Facing the fact that there might be an empty chasm for quite a while and the men you’ll meet are on the look out for sex or ‘the one’ even though they probably don’t know what that means. Been there, done that and bought the t-shirt mate…it doesn't exist. You find ‘the one’ when you’re ready to make compromises…then ‘the one’ in your line of sight becomes it.
Competition out there is fierce when you’re competing with 20 year old stick insects who don’t know the meaning of the word ‘age defense’. It’s the wild west out there, but what we have ladies is maturity, experience, compassion and empathy on our sides plus a fantastic career and bank balance that’s all ours to do what we wish with. Want to splurge on crème de la mer, go right ahead! I make a bee line for the Chanel counter these days (even in Boots)…and it feels good! Plus as they say, this is our vintage year, we’re never going to look as good or feel as great...or even earn enough to truly live it up as we do now. Welcome to the shower gel stakes– you know you’ve arrived when – Back in your 20’s, a sign of success was buying shower gel (the ultimate indulgence) from the Body Shop, 30’s – Molton Brown, 40’s – Jo Malone, 50’s and over …well, I’ll deal with that when I get there, thank God its still a while away! The bottom line…you’ve come a long way baby give yourself a pat on the back and put your best foot forward!